He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
