And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
