I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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