You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just pee around me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
