spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
