Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
