What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
