Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Four minutes until I can fart!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
