fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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