whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
