if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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