Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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