i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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