Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
