i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
