"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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