It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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