Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
