normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I could make wine with my vomit
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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