just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The adults are the big ones right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
