Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
