I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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