So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
