You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
