Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
