I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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