You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
