ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
