everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
