Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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