True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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