So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
