Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
