I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
