I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
