The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
