I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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