he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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