You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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