Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
