you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you win again, gameday.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
