I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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