im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
