i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
