guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
