if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
