She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
