I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
