It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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