i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
