Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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